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Authentic Russian Tetromino

Is very good, comrade.

Physical proof that you beat children.

Buy today!

Get ready for some Maximum Heartburn.

Food that makes you go faster when you are racing, because that's how food works apparently.

Open away from face test

Feeling small, powerless, and trapped under bricks of blocks you can't break into pieces with your head?
There's no cure for that, but in the meantime shove these mushrooms into your pie hole and get RIPPED.

An all-American Japanese-made baseball bat.

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Overwhelmed by the knowledge of the eventual heat-death of the universe?
Do you curl up into a ball at night and cry yourself to sleep?
Do you wish you could curl up just a bit more and roll around like a pinball?

Boy howdy, I got something for you! This!

Annoy your friends by playing that one windmill song over and over and over and over and over and over

and over

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A battery to power your Captain Planet style robot arm cannons.

So you can shoot leaves or whatever

A barrel. 50% chance it has a full grown gorilla or monkey inside.

No guarantees on the state of the contained simian.

Grombo pombo tombo lombo

Has your mom taken away the matches you've been playing with? Is global warming just not warm enough for you?

Try our all natural solution to being a sane person: a magic flower that lets you throw fireballs from your hands.

astesatsetaset

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It's like a gun and a grappling hook combined! What's not to love?

We are not responsible if you shoot your brother in the eye with it, but that totally is his weak point.

Listen, I don't care why you're interested in this product.
That's your own business. Keep it to yourself, okay?

It's like a sandwich but for lady space bounty hunters.
Boy space bounty hunters probably use them too though.

A suit that lets you look like the mythical Japanese raccoon dog, the Tanooki.

By purchasing this item, you are agreeing to never let me know what you use it for, under any circumstances.

Sheesus, what is that guy in the thumbnail even doing?

Listen, I'm not the problem. There's a demand and I supply.
If people weren't buying and eating fairies, I wouldn't be selling them, and if I didn't sell them they would buy them from somewhere else.

Honestly, they don't even taste that good.

To be honest I spray-painted a Chinese knock off palm pilot red.

Did you know pigs are used to find truffles?

Weird, right?

Turns your Pikachu into something you don't even recognize any more and you wish you could go back but you can't - this is the world you live in now and you have to accept the consequences of your actions and live with the pain of knowing that your own ignorance has ruined at least one life.

You could probably throw it through a window or something too.

A magic sword forged by the god(desse)s themselves.
It's the only sword capable of beating the bad guy, how convenient!

Hey if you're a bad guy, consider buying the entire stock

A parasitic flying alien bug.

Buy one and keep it as a pet. What could go wrong?

A giant banana. Keep out of reach of giant rodents and crocodiles.

Millions of years of evolution has given us five fingers on each hand and it's been fundamental in the development of human society.

BUT SCREW THAT, REPLACE THAT HAND WITH A GUN! PEW PEW PEW

A genuine dinosaur egg. Handle with care.

Once hatched and fully grown, always remember to open the door, get on the floor, everybody walk the dinosaur.

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